My Immortal Bella
by IttyBittyTinyKitty
Summary: 60 years have passed and Edward never came back, and Jacob never came along. Bella still sits by her window, awaiting her beloved's return. A songfic / oneshot of My Immortal by Evanescence, it's better than it sounds, I promise. Please Review!


_**[A/N I know A LOT of people have already done this song, but I'm going to do it a little differently, in this, Bella is an old woman, Edward never came back, and there was no Jacob. And you get a little peak in Edwards head too, that's marked by the ** so yeah, I own NOTHING. ]**_

_I'm so tired of being here_

I was sitting at my window, watching, waiting, thinking about _him,_ the same thing I've been doing for the past, what, 60 years? I know he wont be back, but I can't resist waiting, watching. Just in case.

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

I was afraid of what would happen if I stopped waiting, I didn't want to forget him, and what if, when I turned my back, even for an instant, what if he came back and saw my back turned and thought I didn't want him?

_And if you have to leave_

He left me, because I wasn't worthy, I knew I wasn't, I always have, since the first time I saw him, I knew he belonged with nothing less than a goddess. I was about as far from that as I could possibly get.

_I wish that you would just leave_

When he left, he left me broken, but still filled with my love for him, that has been rotting away, decaying inside me, more painful than a festering wound. But that didn't make it any weaker, I was still, even after all these years, in love with him.

'_Cause your presence still lingers here_

And that love, made a part of him live on here, in my heart, though he was long gone, and was never returning.

_And it won't leave me alone_

Sometimes, for just an instant, when I closed my eyes, I could hear the soft melody of his voice, and smell his beautiful scent.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

And then I would wake up, and feel the agony, but it was always worth it, those silent moments of bliss where he existed, in my head, in my heart. It was those moments of bliss, that stopped me from allowing my wounds to heal, and forgetting he ever existed.

_This pain is just too real_

I could feel the tears brimming, as I looked out onto my little front lawn, to the tree he used to climb, I was sitting, looking through the window he used to use to enter.

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

I would never forget him, I just could not bear the thought of it. I would perish If I lost my grip on my memories, no matter how painful, I could not ever forget. I wouldn't let time erase my memories, no matter the pain. Even if it were possible, I wouldn't let it happen.

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

That first tear, I would never forget, in the car, leaving Port Angeles, that tear, rolling silently down her cheek. That tear I caught before it could drip off her chin. When she told me it was too late, that she already loved me. That it didn't matter to her. I was a monster. I had made her cry, that one sweet silent tear. That one tear that rolled down her cheek when I told her she was no good for me.

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

I could see the fear on her face through the mind of that sick _thing, _the one called Lonnie, I remember the rage, the urge to kill him. I remember her screams, when James snapped and broke her. I remember the need I saw when Victoria looked at her. I had always been there to fight everything that threatened her.

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

I stared down at my cold marble hands, remembering the way Bella's warm soft hands had molded themselves to fit mine. I could remember the sweet warmth, but memories were not substantial enough. The memory of food could not feed a starving man. The memory of her could not warm me.

_But you still have, all of me_

Isabella Swan would always have all of my cold, frozen heart. Even after these 60 years, my heart, my love, was hers.**_You used to captivate me_

I was entranced by him, the moment I saw him, he was perfect, beautiful. I wanted him, but he was something I could never have.

_By your resonating light_

He was so _good, _much too good for me, and I had known that. He fought against being a monster, he chose a less satisfying life so he wouldn't have to kill. He was amazing.

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

But now that he was gone, I was broken, and tied down by the hope he might return to his former life. The one he left so easily behind, along with me. He was too good to be true.

_Your face, it haunts_

I could almost see his face when I closed my eyes, the beautiful face of my angel. It was agony, but I didn't mind. I would suffer anything for him. Anything.

_My once pleasant dreams_

I used to dream sweet dreams, and be happy while he was here. Now that he's gone, my nights are spent in terror and pain as I search for him; though I know I'll never find him.

_Your voice, it chased away_

What I'd do to hear your silken voice….

_All the sanity in me _I would jump from bridges, hop on a stranger's motorcycle, climb over the railings at the zoo… Anything, for one moment of being able to pretend you were still there for me… That you still cared about me.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

I could let time sew up the pieces, and heal my broken soul, but I won't let you go. I won't ever let go of the memories, the love that I have. You are my everything, and I let that go, what will I have left? What would I become?

_This pain is just too real_

I can feel your absence, it's the more painful than anything I've ever felt. When James snapped my bones, that was nothing. Next to this, I can barely feel anything at all.

_There's just too much that time cannot erase _60 years sounds like such a long time to wait for someone. But really, time means nothing when you feel like this. Time is an abstract, and doesn't really exist, it runs by so quickly sometimes. The tree in the yard, _his _tree,seems to go from bare branches to full and leafy and green, then back within days. Sometimes it seems as if the sun is permanently stuck in place in the sky. But it doesn't matter. It never has. I will be here, waiting for him, forever.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

So long ago, I tried. I tried to do what he said he'd wanted me to do. I tried to move on, go to college and live my life. But I couldn't. After I graduated, every time I thought about leaving this little town, my little window, I was again struck by the crippling fear that he would come back to see my back turned. That he would finally come home and think I'd moved on. Think I didn't love him. I would never be able to move on.

_But though you're still with me_

I'll have you forever with me, in my heart, my mind, and my soul. No matter how broken you left me, you are my heart, and I'll always have the pieces.

_I've been alone all along_

Gently closing my eyes on the scene outside my window, a single, warm, liquid pearl runs silently down my cheek, dripping off my chin. A quiet sigh escapes as I shift my weight slightly, settling in for a long wait.


End file.
